The Clock Ticks Life Away

The fury of the Sun

Pain is the only thing that makes us feel superior to the others, but anguish, solitude are the only things that make us love each other even more, to feel more and more open-minded, more fulfilled, more clear. And still…

How can you wake up in the morning and nothing else but stick to the routine, do nothing else but imposing that it is the right thing to do? Why don’t we try being different? That’s what I did in the morning, it was the first day of the spring holiday, and like I always use to I went straight to the bathroom, where on the mirror’s still a note smiled to me. I didn’t understand from the beginning what it really meant, but then by approaching, I noticed what it wrote on it: “ Honey, I’m busy today. I left you some food on the table and a ticket to the museum. Kisses from mom!” that was all. Every morning the same thing, I just couldn’t stand it any longer; I wanted to tear the ticket off, throw it, rip it off. Come to think about it, all I yearned for was a little bit of affection, affection that keeps on making me wait and, yet, it never comes. Tears furrowed my too pale face, making it blossom like a peony, I felt hate, agony, ecstasy and still sadness leaking through my veins; I was a freak and I couldn’t understand myself. I started thinking that maybe my mom isn’t the one that avoids talking to me, but me. I felt like a researcher that found the discovery of his life and wants to keep it just for himself. I stood up, I was kneeling from so much pain, and I understood that I actually don’t feel at all pain, but the need to release myself, to leave my spirit fly away without being enclosed, I was feeling like a new-born…I felt like…I was reborn.

I took the note from mom, grabbed a pair of jeans on me, my favourite blouse from grandma, the coat from my dad and left. The sun was shining so strong that it had me a few minutes to accommodate; above me a little, shivered sparrow started to chirp, once with it I let my spirit be free, I let it fly, I felt then the breeze of a sweetish wind that wrapped up my face like a robe made of the finest silk. I didn’t want to wake up…it was perfect, I felt like I belonged there, being up there, flying, dreaming and not thinking about anything else, besides my mom’s eyes full of tears appeared in my mind, I knew what it meant and I let that thought go walking on the alleys within a pale of green, I let myself ecstased and I can’t remember how, but I woke up exactly in front of The Art Museum. That’s how it wrote the entry. I checked my ticket and realized that this was the destination I had to reach. I looked towards the building, although old for so many centuries, the coat that is was wearing made it seem the most sophisticated of all the other buildings. I felt so small next to it, but still stepped in with shy, insecure steps, it was like had life in it, it guided me and always whispering to watch were I put my foot on, it doesn’t want something bad to happed to me. I felt so special. A guide appeared in my way and, with a voice that seemed more of angelic, it gave me his time in deciphering the mistery of this this art house. Although I was charmed by his presence, I said neither ba nor bum and with a bashful voice I said that it was no need in it. It  withdrawed looking indignant of my answer. I smiled although I knew it wasn’t true what I had said, but that day was the most important day of my life. It had been the day that I discovered that I am nothing else but normal. I started with the first gallery. When I stopped I felt how the air from there made my throat seem on fire, it was like a sweetish miasma, maybe even and unearthly miasma. I knew that wasn’t true and I read on a bronze tag that the room was full of paintings from the XVth – XVIth century. I felt so strange, then, by taking a glance, not too careful, I whipped through the room from one head to another one. I couldn’t find what I was looking for, the nest one made my heart throb like crazy, it made me feel how my blood freaks out. With my breath almost hacked I came closer. A wave of happiness surrounded me and I knew that it was what I was looking for. A ripping sunset in the lovely, desolated Sahara. It was all divine, of an impressing red, as if the sun wanted to remember again about his sufferings. He, the supreme witness of human kind and didn’t want to show the world that he got sick and tired; he got outraged, seemed to bare a wild battle, brimming over its blood in all parts. The orange sand raised till the sky, making it realize that the sun has allies. This battle taken for so many centuries was always expressed by artists, painters and still no one could understand its meaning. I felt charmed, captured in a battle were the verdict is mine.

It was all more than wonderful, it was exactly what I expected to find, exactly what I needed, a release, a place to refind myself, and that was the perfect me. Bewildered, crushed by this accomplishment, thrilled, ecstasied, whatever it was the feeling, it was obvious: happiness. I looked back on the one side the pall beams of the sun brimmed over slowly, silently, as if exhausted from so much effort, as if ready to lose his breath. Then I understood, this wasn’t a battle where the sun should have been defeated, that was the pain of the sun that dies down daily and always reborns on the second day, like a phoenix whose power is unlimited, I started to fear. I thought that it seems to me, but I actually became addicted to this world, to this sun, to his power, to everything. I felt how image flew with me in a parallel Universe. I felt so small comparing to the greatness of the sky, with the hot and uncontrollable force of the desert, I though it would swallow it would never let me see this sweet, reddish color of the one that had made me retake all I have lost, but he didn’t protect me, the desert protected me, it conferred me heat and protection. Then I saw what I never hope I would see. The sky had cracked. It had let itself surrounded by the fury of the sun. I yelled, I cried. I told him it wasn’t fare. Again, I couldn’t understand. Was I on the side of the supreme sun or on the side of the lovely, blue crystal? I was afraid of not losing the most priceless sapphire ever seen or should I have taken care of the huge ruby so as not to break? I understood in a moment. I wanted it both. I wanted the sweet sun to kiss me in the morning and tell me: “Good Morning!” and the blue sky to protect me, I wanted a balance. The desert was listening to me, it was charmed, it agreed with me. I smiled and, with a voice that sounded more like a hare-bell, the sun whispered me that nothing could break us apart from now on, and the sky with the crystalline smile connived.

Then noting, black, peace, I thought they’d promised me they will always be with me. Then I realized. My eyes were closed, I couldn’t open them, my body wouldn’t listen to me. I was…paralyzed. I just couldn’t believe it. After all these…right now?

I had heard some sighs near me. I though it was the sky, I though it had sent me a sweet, spring rain-fall to refresh me, but no, it was mom. I opened my eyes and by seeing her I asked her what did I do this time. By looking at her I realized that there weren’t tears full of anger, there were tears full of pain. I couldn’t understand a thing. I raised from that white, strange bed, and then I realized that I was in a hospital, that smell of alcohol hit me in each corner of my lungs, it was the only smell I couldn’t stand, the smell that caused me nausea, the smell that left me down-and-out, and still, my mother’s eyes gave me force, strength, made me realize I’m alive, that I live and I am here for her, for dad, for my passed away grandma, for everybody. I grabbed her with my arms. She raised her forehead, she was so furrowed with worries; at each little corner of herself you could behold a spot of worry. She smiled and then, with a repressed voice from so much crying, she held me tight to her chest.

“Oh honey! I though, I was told that you would…never…ever…be capable of waking up again.”

I had transfixed, I knew what she had meant, the last seconds of my life passed in front of my eyes as if there were happening then. I understood what she meant to say and I erased her tears with one hand. There were real and there were for me. I started crying too. I felt so happy. I didn’t let her leave from near me. I’ll never let her. She is what I might never lose, she is what will always determine me to reach the highest, she is the one I love and much more.

The End!